Take for instance, this night.
A random, "It snowed! Let's go sledding" night. Totally normal thing to do. But for me, there was a little twinge of anxiety when I thought about going. But I went, I wanted to go. All was great, until all involved decided to go down in a train. I just couldn't do it. I just thought about heads crashing and people flying and landing tattered and tangled in a heap at the bottom of the hill. I volunteered to take the photo instead. In that moment I HATED THAT I AM LIKE THIS. I have such a hard time letting the fun or excitement of a situation overtake me. There is always that little voice of common sense that triggers my "let's think about this for a moment.". In the end I did end up going down the hill in a train, not because I necessarily wanted to, but because I didn't want to look like a wimp. Peer pressured into it, yes. But glad that I did it, yes. Although not exhilarating for me, I went and I found out that it was ok. No one died, no one was seriously injured. While it wasn't necessarily my #1 way of going down the hill, it turned out to be kind of fun.
I am finding that the real risk comes when you allow the fear you may be feeling overtake you, overtake your heart and mind and not allow you to be who you need to be or want to be. We all struggle with this to some degree, but we have to have faith. In life we have to realize that sometimes you have to let the snow fly in your face and sometimes you may end up in a heap at the bottom of the hill. But you tried it and with one tiny little slide down the hill, you placed the fear to the side and acted on your faith. And next time, you build on the faith of that first slide. It's a process, sometimes a slow step by step process. But you know, as I quickly analyzed the functionality of my body at the bottom of the hill in that heap, I realized I was whole. I smiled and walked back up that hill and sled down again. I liked me a little bit more in that moment.